Affection
by madamcake
Summary: Shinji Ikari the most human and Kaworu Nagisa the least.
1. Wrath

**Rated M for later content.**

**Aternant title: Limits**

Even at such a young age Kaworu Nagisa had been so enveloped in Lilim culture. Most likely for the fact that he lived right in the middle of it, yet could never completely touch.

He knew they wanted him to be human. Or more, act human, to be a human greater than human. They had not understood then that the only outcome could be an angel.

Tabris was his true name but he did not care for it. It was as if Kaworu was his nickname, a nickname in which had only been given to him after they enrolled him in a school. His body developed as it should at the correct pace and size, yet his emotions stayed unwavering and minimal.

They had classified him as a sociopath to the school as to not raise too much suspicion to his inhuman actions.

Seven years of age and he had long ago passed that of a genius, yet he still sat in the small class of others his age learning their numbers and singing silly songs.

He loved it.

"Shinji-kun."

The small child did not even glance up at him, he just shifted, nodding to communicate that he had heard.

This was how most of their interactions played out. Shinji was much too shy to even speak a word to him. He did not care though, Shinji just happened to live at NERV headquarters as he did.

The main fact was however, Kaworu did not particularly care for anyone.

However that changed, and one might find it sick as to why it did, but it was everything to Kaworu. The way Shinji wrapped his delicate fingers around his neck, the way he could feel the air being constricted out of him, and the way Shinji's face contorted with pure rage, an emotion he would never have the pleasure of feeling.

The details of the attack forever etched into his memories, as everything else, but more vivid. He could truly still feel the touch.

It had all happened at NERV headquarters in the homing district. Shinji had stumbled into his room, he did not know why, nor did he even care. However the small child had not wanted to say anything, so Kaworu had been forced to say everything. He really only talked about school at first, but the conversation Kaworu upheld by himself took a small turn to the topic of Shinji's father, which apparently was forbidden as the young one had jumped him at the sound of just his first name.

Oh how Shinji had sparked a fire in him that day. He could still remember the way Shinji's eyes filled with fear as he realized what he had started doing, his hands slowly shifting away. He had run away back to his room after that, much to Kaworu's dissatisfaction.

He was not angry however, in fact, he felt something he had never felt before. Something he never knew he was capable of feeling.

Affection.


	2. Greed

**Alternant title: Fear**

"When was the last time you saw your father?"

Kaworu could tell that Shinji had gotten used to talking about his dad with him. In fact he had gotten used to talking about basically everything with Kaworu, whether or not he was a willing participant in the conversations, or even actually said a single word.

Shinji had never had such a strong reaction to anything Kaworu said or did sense that one time a year ago. Kaworu had also learned himself that he was indeed capable of an array of feelings, but non were very strong, more like a tingling sensation.

It was soon that Kaworu would learn that he did not know as much as he thought about himself and how things worked.

Their 3rd grade class had shrunk sense the last year, many kids leaving to smaller towns and villages outside of Tokyo-3.

"Shinji-kun what did you get on your test today?"

Shinji cautiously raised his paper, his mouth sealed. 7/10. Average. Shinji was always average.

"Shinji-kun you should have someo-" He was interrupted mid sentence by a much more high pitched voice.

"Ikari are you staying after school today?" It was the bookworm. Her name started with an M or something, he did not want to remember her name(he did however).

"No not today..." He trailed off, nervously picking at his scalp as he often did. Kaworu's smile faltered, but only temporarily.

Taking the smaller boy's arm roughly he replied, "Shinji and I need to go home." Pulling him along quickly he added, "Sorry."

His tone had been sarcastic.

Once near the bus station Shinji was finally able to get Kaworu to let him go, "What was that for?" He rubbed his arm tenderly, a red mark showing.

"What was what?"

"I wanted to talk to Mami some more."

"No."

Shinji was taken aback, "'No'? What does 'No' mean?" His eyebrow twitched in annoyance.

"They say girls are gross."

"I know you don't believe that."

The street corner was empty as their voices echoed lightly into what seemed to be nothing.

"It's true, girls are really dirty Shinji." Kaworu gave a smile, a twisted smile that made Shinji's stomach clench, "Didn't you know how they bleed from their vaginas, disgusting."

Shinji backed up until he touched the wall of the street, he did not want to talk to Kaworu anymore, "Stop I don't wanna talk about this."

"So much stuff goes in and out of there. Babies and urine for example."

"Stop."

"Then theres sexual intercourse."

"Stop!"

Kaworu's smile faded, "What are you going to do about it Shinji. Kill me?" He stepped closer, Shinji flinched.

No, that wasn't right, he wanted him to show him his emotions, not hide them.

Finally he got close enough until Shinji could feel his breath on his face, "What are you going to do."

Shinji was terrified now, his arms now pinned to the wall and Kaworu's eyes manic and wide.

"Are you scared of me?"

Shinji nodded, a whimper escaping.

"Good."


	3. Sloth

**Alternate title: What Was Once Missing**

4th grade was the year Shinji got his music player.

He never went anywhere without it. He cranked up the volume and pretended no one was around.

Kaworu in particular found the new habit of his to be annoying. He could tell when Shinji actually heard him and just pretended the music was too loud.

Kaworu lightly tossed a music disc at Shinji, it was brand new and even still had the plastic over it's case. Shinji looked to him, then the music disc, then finally shifted his head down and mumbled, "Thanks..."

The word lacked sincerity, Kaworu could tell. This bothered him more than being ignored. So just as Shinji was unwrapping it, Kaworu swooped in and grabbed it back, opening it himself, "Hey-!"

"Here, why don't we listen to it together?"

Shinji knew it was rhetorical.

"You probably already heard it." He had.

"Nope."

"You're really bad at lying."

A frown found it's way across his face. Was it too much to just want to spend some time with Shinji. Kaworu inserted the music disc into the small stereo, then pressed play.

What came on was beautiful, small duets of cello and piano. Shinji had never agreed to play with him.

Shinji's mouth opened, but said nothing, just slunk down more and finally shut it.

"I know more about you than you probably think I do." Kaworu said, then added, "Probably more than anyone else."

Shinji's eyes widened, he was unsure of what emotions jumbled together in them. Confusion? Disgust? Fear? Happiness...

He looked up at the ceiling, his silver locks softly falling to the side of his face, "Promise me that you will play a song with me."

Silence filled with the exception of soft music flitting from the stereo, the rhythm calm and upbeat, the melody smooth. Shinji didn't saying anything but Kaworu did not care, because he had not said 'No'.

Silence was the promise that day.


End file.
